Uninvited Houseguest
by Llampaca Eating Guppy
Summary: Someone breaks into Jack and Damian's house. Things don't exactly go as planned... *NOT ROMANCE*


**Warnings: Jack and Damian aren't terribly in character. And this takes place in the middle of the night, so one's in a bathrobe and the other's just shamelessly running around in his underwear. This is friendship, though, not romance. I know, I know, you poor Jack and Damian shippers think I'm nuts, but it's not happening.**

_BOOM!_

Damian opened his eyes and glanced at his alarm clock. 4:18. If Jack was seriously pulling one of his stupid all-nighters again he would make good his threat of throwing him in Hades.

_CRASH!_

He dragged his self out of bed with a growl, eyes practically glowing with agitation. Stupid Jack, what in Hades is anyone in their right mind doing awake at 4:18 in the morning, anyway? He threw on his bathrobe, snatched Kerbecs, yanked open the door and stalked towards the living room. Jack was so dead. Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead! Thrown in Hades until he starved, resurrected as a zombie and killed again dead.

He rounded the corner and was met by someone who definitely wasn't Jack. "What the- KERBECS!" He hurriedly launched his only line of defense between him and the unfamiliar figure. It was sufficient; said unfamiliar figure was wrapped up in chains within a couple seconds.

"AH! LET GO, LET GO!" He shrieked and tried to squirm away.

"Shut up before I throw you in Hades!" Damian yelled, albeit still from the relative safety of the hall.

Nonetheless, the man kept quiet. "_Thank _you." He said, trying to get his head on straight. What was he supposed to do now? He doubted intimidation would work for long on a complete stranger when he was off arrangements, sane enough to not put people in the hospital on a whim, and wearing a bathrobe.

"Damian?" a voice popped out of nowhere and Damian whirled around with a startled yelp, half expecting another intruder to have popped up behind him.

No, it was just Jack. The messy-haired, no makeup, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and still partially unconscious Jack that commonly wandered around before finding the coffee machine. Damian inched his way behind the wall, out of the uninvited guest's line of vision. "Whaddya doin' up?" Jack slurred.

"Shut up, Jack!" Damian hissed and slammed his hand over his mouth. "There's someone in the living room!"

Jack blinked slowly, caffeine-deprived brain trying to make sense of those words before removing Damian's hand, trudging right into the mentioned room and turning on the light.

"Jack!" Damian rushed after him, "what are you _doing_?"

From as far back as HD Academy, it was common knowledge that Jack had no shame in terms of skin. A Jack clad in nothing but a pair of boxers had grown to be a common sight early in the morning and one time, when Damian had stolen Jack's clothes while he was in the shower as a prank, he'd just walked around wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his head. But Damian had assumed that Jack had more common sense than to go wandering around 90% naked while there was a random stranger in the living room!

That's when he noticed it. "Jack," he asked, "where did he go?"

Jack eyed the room with an air of calmness Damian couldn't understand and yawned. "Don't know… need coffee."

Damian closed his eyes. He would not let Jack agitate him, not now, when he'd just foiled an attempted robbery, Jack wasn't fully aware of what in Hades was happening, and their living room was a wreck.

Admittedly, the odd combination of Damian's AC/DC paraphernalia combined with Jack's everything but the kitchen sink didn't exactly make for the most attractive decorating to begin with, but at least it was halfway clean most of the time… some of the time… okay, there was pizza crust under the couch that was probably growing things the scientific community hadn't discovered yet. They were too busy to clean.

"At least he left his bag." Jack shuffled to a large duffel bag and rolled it over with his foot. Numerous more items spilled out onto the floor. "You think we should check out the rest of the house? You know, just in case… after coffee?"

Damian nodded. Their search was short and they wound up back in the living room in very little time, Damian eyeing the unsightly mess and Jack eyeing his newly-acquired coffee.

"You think we should clean it up?" Jack ventured, taking a huge gulp of the stuff. How he was managing not to fry his tongue was beyond all reason.

"Don't know. It'd be a little weird if we did. There'd only be one clean room, and a bunch of dirty ones." Damian mused.

"We could clean the rest of them, too. Get rid of that pizza under the couch."

"True… Don't have anything planned for tomorrow. We could take a sleep day."

"And it'd be a good opportunity for me to organize my art supplies."

"Maybe we could get the shower to actually drain water again."

"When was the last time the shower drain wasn't clogged?"

"Not sure," Damian answered. "So, what do you think?"

"Let's do it."

**A/N: Okay, confession time! These two are so fun to write! Although I have no clue where this came from and I don't even know if it really makes sense, but whatever... Reviews and constructive criticisms are always welcome, I love to know what you guys think!**


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